Thanksgiving may be the Hallmark-inflicted time of the year to give thanks, but with our bank accounts depleted, job security in peril, and the threat of imminent depression — both financial and emotional! –upon us, gratitude may be the last thing on our minds.

Don’t let the forced holiday family time be an added burden.  Look at it this way: it’s stressful, but at least it’s consistently stressful. No matter what’s going on in the world, you can always depend on holiday time with family to be difficult!  Visitors feel out of their element, reunions with family members remind us of unresolved issues, group meal preparation brings out the control freak in the host, and we overeat and drink to compensate for all of the feelings incited by the above -– just to name a few of the potentially flammable situations at hand.

At risk of sounding too Pollyanna, I propose that we not only try to make the most of the inevitable, but make the best of it. After all, the holidays are going to happen, and the stress is going to happen – and it’s a whole lot easier to manage something you can predict (unlike, say, the financial markets!)

Here are a few things to try:

1)   Say it like you mean it. Say “thank you” as much as possible, even if you don’t feel grateful, even if you resent having to say it, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. The positive vibe you give off and the repetition of such a selfless phrase will transform your interactions with everyone and make you feel great about yourself.

2)   Make friends with your family. Pretend that you’ve never met your annoying brother-in-law before and get to know him. Ask your father to tell you about his childhood– again. Assure your mother that you’ll take her nagging suggestion under consideration (and act like you will.) If you treat your family members with the respect and objective interest you would a new friend – tabling, rather than lingering upon, your history for a brief moment – you will actually learn things you didn’t know, gain respect for and from these people, and open up a new side of your relationships with them. Who knows? You might even avert a stressful confrontation.

3)   “Lean in.” In The Psychology of Achievement, Brian Tracy puts forth that any topic or person, no matter how seemingly boring or uninteresting, will miraculously become the opposite, if you simply lean in and pay attention to it/him/her for 5 minutes straight. Put this to the test – particularly when you’re seated to Old Man Clunker at the turkey table. It works!

4)   Walk in her stilettos. Take a moment outside of your own stress to empathize with your fellow family members’ version of it. You may be irritated that you have to work around your sister’s schedule, but she may be frustrated that she has to juggle her regular home life with entertaining you. Your brother may be worried about his next paycheck. Your grandmother may not be feeling well. The aforementioned annoying brother-in-law may be missing his own family. Keeping these possibilities in mind – and all the things you don’t know about – will help you be empathetic instead of judgmental when things get heightened or conflictual.

5)   Take a break. Family + holidays + close quarters = a perfect storm. Divert that storm by breaking up the 24/7 togetherness. Take a walk. Explore the neighborhood. Just step out of the room, if that’s as far as you can get. And encourage others to do the same. Being around anyone  – especially your family – for too long, without pausing for a moment to yourself, to reflect or to decompress, can be hazardous to your relationships. Don’t worry: you won’t miss anything, and you’ll all be better off for it.

Finally, share these suggestions with your family members in advance of your time together. Actively acknowledging that every family – no matter how loving and perfect! -  encounters issues during the holidays could actually diffuse the stress before it starts.

Oh, and THANK YOU very much for reading this! I am GRATEFUL for your interest! I APPRECIATE your attention.