Don’t let the forced holiday family time be an added burden.  Look at it this way: it’s stressful, but at least it’s consistently stressful. No matter what’s going on in the world, you can always depend on holiday time with family to be difficult!  Visitors feel out of their element, reunions with family members remind us of unresolved issues, group meal preparation brings out the control freak in the host, and we overeat and drink to compensate for all of the feelings incited by the above -– just to name a few of the potentially flammable situations at hand.

At risk of sounding too Pollyanna, I propose that we not only try to make the most of the inevitable, but make the best of it. After all, the holidays are going to happen, and the stress is going to happen – and it’s a whole lot easier to manage something you can predict (unlike, say, the financial markets!)

Here are a few things to try:

1)   Say it like you mean it. Say “thank you” as much as possible, even if you don’t feel grateful, even if you resent having to say it, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. The positive vibe you give off and the repetition of such a selfless phrase will transform your interactions with everyone and make you feel great about yourself.

2)   Make friends with your family. Pretend that you’ve never met your annoying brother-in-law before and get to know him. Ask your father to tell you about his childhood– again. Assure your mother that you’ll take her nagging suggestion under consideration (and act like you will.) If you treat your family members with the respect and objective interest you would a new friend – tabling, rather than lingering upon, your history for a brief moment – you will actually learn things you didn’t know, gain respect for and from these people, and open up a new side of your relationships with them. Who knows? You might even avert a stressful confrontation.

3)   “Lean in.” In The Psychology of Achievement, Brian Tracy puts forth that any topic or person, no matter how seemingly boring or uninteresting, will miraculously become the opposite, if you simply lean in and pay attention to it/him/her for 5 minutes straight. Put this to the test – particularly when you’re seated to Old Man Clunker at the turkey table. It works!

4)   Walk in her stilettos. Take a moment outside of your own stress to empathize with your fellow family members’ version of it. You may be irritated that you have to work around your sister’s schedule, but she may be frustrated that she has to juggle her regular home life with entertaining you. Your brother may be worried about his next paycheck. Your grandmother may not be feeling well. The aforementioned annoying brother-in-law may be missing his own family. Keeping these possibilities in mind – and all the things you don’t know about – will help you be empathetic instead of judgmental when things get heightened or conflictual.

5)   Take a break. Family + holidays + close quarters = a perfect storm. Divert that storm by breaking up the 24/7 togetherness. Take a walk. Explore the neighborhood. Just step out of the room, if that’s as far as you can get. And encourage others to do the same. Being around anyone  – especially your family – for too long, without pausing for a moment to yourself, to reflect or to decompress, can be hazardous to your relationships. Don’t worry: you won’t miss anything, and you’ll all be better off for it.

Finally, share these suggestions with your family members in advance of your time together. Actively acknowledging that every family – no matter how loving and perfect! -  encounters issues during the holidays could actually diffuse the stress before it starts.

Oh, and THANK YOU very much for reading this! I am GRATEFUL for your interest! I APPRECIATE your attention.

It’s official: we’re all homebodies — lately, anyway. According to a Pew Center for People and the Press poll in this Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, 59% of respondents said the recent economy has led them to cut vacation spending and 55% said it has led them to eat out less often. But while we eat at home, there’s no reason to eat at home alone. Breaking bread with friends is a long-standing tradition in most cultures, but in these trying times, the exchange of thoughts and ideas, the commiserating, and the in-person contact that come with in-home hosting – are all more important than ever. The good news? Throwing a dinner party on a dime has never been easier. So, once again, I implore you: Don’t Nest, Hive!

FOOD:

Host a potluck. Divide and conquer by having everyone bring one addition to the menu. It’s the modern equivalent of splitting the check, and it makes everyone feel involved and invested in the event.

Mix packaged/canned and fresh. Choose your ingredients to save where you can and splurge where it counts. One specialty item can make the easy-to-find, inexpensive ones shine. Nancy Silverton’s A Twist of the Wrist cookbook is full of examples of this.

Buy local and seasonal. Visit your local farmer’s market for the freshest, most inexpensive products and build your menu on ingredients that are in season now. Find a farmer’s market near you.

Choose one-dish meals for a crowd. Having a curry buffet, taco bar, or a big stock pot of chili gets more bang for the buck. Plus, you can invite more people to join in the fun. (And isn’t killing a few birds with one stone as far as your friend list goes being socially prudent, too?)

DRINK:

Keep it simple. Serve wine, beer, and a non-alcoholic punch only. You can buy all the ingredients at a discount warehouse. And go “pot luck” here as well, if you want – most people are fine with contributing a bottle of wine for the cause – and sometimes the mish-mash becomes a party theme in itself.

Bottle service. Set up a do-it-yourself signature cocktail bar, starting with juice and alcohol already mixed in, with all the other fixin’s – from Cassis to herb purees to citrus wedges – on the side. Everyone will be excited to show theirs off, and you’ll conserve your energy and money by focusing on one spirit, rather than a full bar.

Host a blind tasting. Buy several wines under $10 per bottle, cover up the labels, and have a tasting, replete with pencils and paper for people to make their comments.

DÉCOR:

Ditch the florals. Cut flowers can be expensive and don’t last long. Try fruit instead. Pomegranates, persimmons, or even apples or oranges look great as a table centerpiece, on your mantel, in a vase or a bowl, and even as a place card holder (just slice a bit off the bottom, so it won’t roll, and cut a horizontal slit in the top to place your place card.)

Light it up. Use votive candles, which you can buy in inexpensive bulk bags, as the centerpiece of your table and your décor. It looks magical and costs little.

Create an edible centerpiece. Choose a color theme and buy bulk candy and fruit that match it, and then arrange it in the center of your table. Apples and Red Hots, oranges and Reese’s, Snickers and walnuts in their shells – you get the idea.

Personalize it. Focus your energy (and wallet) on décor that makes people feel welcome – by labeling their names wherever possible. Try using place cards or make wine identifiers (write names on a rubber band to go around each wine glass, or put a wine charm and a label and use a paper clip to bend it around the base of each glass).

Double guest gifts as décor. Place a small potted plant at each place with a guest’s name on it – the table will look beautiful, and your friends will have something to remember the evening by.

—-
Finally, save the planet and your pocketbook by calling, emailing, or using online invitations like Evite or Pingg to issue your dinner party invitations. Don’t forget to do the same to thank your hosts the next day!

A version of this entry also appeared on PeopleJam.com

Listen up, party people! We may be in a Recession, and soon a Depression, with little or no cash to fund non-essential activities. But, just like Warren Buffett said of the stock market, I say of our social lives: this is no time to panic! If you have to, don’t go out as much. Spend less on entertainment. But, for God’s sake, if you’re going to stay home, DON’T NEST, HIVE!

Nesting is what we do when we’re depressed, inwardly focused, or – funny enough – preparing for a baby. It’s the instinct we have to hole up in our houses, apartments, RVs, tee-pees, whatever – and hibernate. But in trying times, humans crave comfort through connection – not isolation. And retreating can create a social depression on top of the already-horrific economic one.

So, we here at hiving understand that you might not want to spend more money on the parties we’ve been planning. In fact, the site is going to be moving away from planning them at all, and more toward helping YOU to hive when you’re at home. No matter the size, your home can be a place abuzz with group activity. A place where you can engage with other people through interesting, fun things to do. A place that impacts your social life, without impacting your credit card.

Here are a few ways to start hiving on your own:

1. Transform your regular outings to in-ings. Just because you can’t cover the cover charge at a club doesn’t mean you can’t keep dancing. Play iPod DJ instead, where everyone gets a 3-song DJ stint. And bypassing the bar doesn’t mean you can’t “Cheers”-it up on your own – with a Make-Your-Own Bloody Mary bar, with all the fixins, or a BYOB2, where your guests bring their own Bottle and a new Body – that is, a person that you don’t know.

2. Eat, drink, and enlighten. Staying in also doesn’t mean having to lose out on intellectual stimulation or higher learning. Host a salon, a cooking club, or a craft night, and you won’t even miss the lecture series, gallery opening, or 5-course meal.

3. Pick a theme. Coming up with a focal point instead of just a straight-up celebration — like an Old School Game night, with Chutes and Ladders, Parcheesi, and Connect Four or a Pot Luck Hors D’oeuvre Party, where everyone brings a small nibble that they pass – makes people feel invested in the gathering and makes it more memorable.

4. Party with a Purpose. Apply hiving.net’s philosophy by give your gatherings a higher purpose. Ask friends to bring over unwanted books for the local library, or canned goods for a food donation. Who wants to go to an expensive rubber chicken charity dinner anyway?

Staying at home may be the first sign that Americans are worried about their finances, but it doesn’t mean the end of our social lives, meaningful connections, or having fun.

Fun - surely that’s one thing that is Recession-proof.

Halloween approacheth, and I don’t care how costume-averse you may be, there are multiple other ways to HIVE on this holiday.

There are two great things about Halloween, in my opinion:

1) CANDY, and

2) Visiting peoples homes (a.k.a. their “hives.”)

I have never lived in a house that was conducive to the random trick-or-treater, so I try to create a reason to pure people over, like by hosting a masked game night on Halloween or just inviting friends to join me in eating sugary candy on the one night per year that it’s universally accepted.

Then, of course, you can kick off the Halloween “season” by carving a pumpkin — which, if you don’t remember from childhood, is a delightfully messy and wondrous craft activity. THIS WEEK’S Hiving::2nd Annual Pumpkin Carving CraftNight is sure to be the best option for doing so: we’ll provide the pumpkin and the carving materials, and a cash bar within reach, should the competition get stressful. Plus, you’ll be hanging with your friends and other hiving::partiers, not bratty Eddie from down the street who used to steal all your best jack-o-lantern ideas.

Finally, if you are lucky enough to live somewhere where mini-Pokemon and Princesses might visit you, don’t just give away candy at the door, try to HIVE, by inviting parents in for a sip from your ghoulish tea kettle or some other, more potent concoction. It’s a night of revelry, teeming with togetherness possibilities.

Put the WE in HalloWEen!

1) Throw a debate-watching party with friends, and print up BINGO cards with your favorite McCain phrases (”My friends”) or debate tactics (Obama shaking his head)  — and tack on a drinking game to make it more fun!

2) Get a group together and go canvass for your favorite candidate in a nearby swing state, like Nevada.

3) Or throw together a round table to talk about the issues most important to you.

All these politically-oriented things are HIVING, too — they are inventive get-togethers that help you connect with others AND give back. Get it?

But, most of all, don’t forget to register to vote! The California deadline is October 20!

“Workin’ nine to five, what a way to make a living;
barely getting by,it’s all taking and no giving.
They just use your mind, and they never give you
credit;
it’s enough to drive you crazy, if you let it!”

I don’t know about you, but today feels a lot more like Hump Day than Tuesday. And ever since I saw that great 1980 movie, “Nine to Five,” I knew (even at 10 years old!) that if I had to live my life in that boring, daily grind, women-objectifying world, I would end up hog-tying my boss and roasting him on a pit, just like Doralee.

So instead, I hive. And work as a freelance writer — making my own schedule and being my own boss.

Today feels like Hump Day, because I’m busy with a never-ending writing assignment and suffering a bit of ADD…because I can’t stop thinking about my evening plans to see the musical version of “Nine to Five” at the Ahmanson Theater! Dolly wrote the score, Allison Janney plays Lily Tomlin, and I’m attending with a fun group of friends who have been quoting the show all week long in rapid-fire emails. I can’t remember all those quotes, so in an effort to participate in theme, I downloaded the theme song and made a rockin’ ring tone out of it.

I’ll report back with my review - but know this: making a group purchase at the Ahmanson - and at every theater in the Center Theater Group - is a no brainer. So get a group together, make your reservations today, and hive/”Nine to Five” it!

]]> http://www.hiving.net/buzz/hiving-thriving-and-nine-to-five-ing/feed/ http://www.hiving.net/buzz/big-rrred/ http://www.hiving.net/buzz/big-rrred/#comments Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:47:22 +0000 Sally http://www.hiving.net/buzz/?p=53 I saw a fun play last night called “R.R.R.E.D.: The Redhead Musical Manifesto,” which was LA Weekly’s Pick of the Week, and created by a very talented singer/songwriter, Katie Thompson, who is a friend of my friend Steve Bauerfeind. Among other high points of the experience (including parts of the show, a celebrity sighting of Ryan Gosling, and a terrific catch-up with Steve) was the show’s intermission concession stand, which hand-picked items in the same “celebration of all things red”-theme of the show, with Big Red gum, and “Annie” DVDs, Skittles, Two Buck Chuck, and even Big Red soda - which I haven’t seen since Big D days.

I may have to copy the color theme for an upcoming party (Maybe I’ll have a PURPLE PARTY or a BLUE BASH? Green and Black & White are sooo last year.) — with the addition of customized M&Ms (so easy to do if you have even 2 days advance thought!) and a matching colored cocktail (you can find cocktail recipes stored this way from one brand here.)

(Red) Food for thought…

Of course, it helps when you’re actually hunting with a purpose – which, in yesterday’s case, was the next hiving ::party with a purpose.  Michelle and I checked out the new rooftop of the Thompson Hotel in Beverly Hills, with the hope of coming up with a sexy, clever party idea to match our surroundings. Whether or not we stage something there, you should know about it for your own hiving plans – whether a sushi sampling dinner with a group of friends delivered from Bond St downstairs, or a cocktail klatch on a Wednesday night (when they reportedly have a new promoter on board), I highly recommend.

Today, my curious eye strayed from LA Mill in Silverlake, where I was having a meeting, to the windows of Yolk, a brilliant design store next door, so I just had to have a look afterwards. I loved these little silicone stem markers called Vinotagz – you can write on them and attach them to guest’s wine glasses so everyone knows whose is whose. AND afterwards they can be used as napkin rings. AND the nifty box it comes in fits over the top of a wine bottle to label it as a gift. That’s a lot of reuse for a mere $12.50. Love it.

Sometimes the hunt leads to just a straight up purchase without a purpose. While it may end up languishing in my gift closet, but this rocker wallet that says, “I’m sick of being an artist. I want to be a pop star” was too hysterical to pass up.

I Want to Be a Pop Star

That sentiment seems so applicable to life, really. Maybe I’ll become a pop star? Maybe I’ll keep the wallet myself.

Nothing like a bountiful hunt.

This is a story about practicing what I preach. Playing by my own rules. Specifically: the friendship rules outlined in the book I co-wrote with my Dad, The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections. You’d think, wouldn’t you, that if I took the time and energy to write a book about it, I’d have to be able to follow each and every rule at all times-– from #1 (“Reach Out to Someone You Don’t Know”) to #70 (“Let the Sunshine In”), right? As it turns out, that is much, much easier said than done.

So, I’m hiving in New York last week at a super chic fashion party on the roof of the Hotel on Rivington, where I feel about 20 years older than everyone there, 20 times less stylish, and 20 pounds fatter. My friend is 20 minutes late, so I am forced to stand in a corner with my glass of champagne and St-Germain Elderflower liquor (a cocktail I’ve been calling “The Sally” all summer, which the St-Germain folks call simply: “St-Germain avec Champagne”), staring at the gorgeous crowd. I think to myself, “Self? You’re supposed to be a friendship expert. Make some friends!” And with that, I head to a group of cute gals in the corner, who are the hired models for the evening, posing in retro bras and the “fine jeans” of the fabulous ADWA collection, which are meant to be worn as dress attire, fashioned after styles from the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s. They look really bored, cold, and in need of friends, too. So I say to one of them, “Are you guys the ‘60s era? I was told that the jeans on this floor were the ‘60s ones…”

I am met with blank stares.

It occurs to me that the models:
a) don’t speak English;
b) have been instructed not to speak or smile;
c) think I’m crazy, 20 years older, 20 times less stylish, and 20 pounds fatter than I should be to be talking to them; or
d) all of the above.

I repeat my question and elicit a shrug from the porcelain doll with the glossy red lips. The others turn and strike new poses.

But I tried, people. And guess what? This story provided my “in” to conversation with other folks at the party, who commiserated with my feeling old, laughed with me, and gave me their business cards. Rule #8 from the book says “Be Vulnerable” and suggests a little self-deprecation can go a long way. So, I guess I did follow one of my own rules successfully.

And I practiced what I preach.

What would happen if I tried to follow my own rules every day? Watch this space…